Some of my posts are sarcastic, others are funny, but some are serious too. This one is heartfelt. It's a post for my Bryn. She's my daughter who is now watching over me instead of living by my side. We lost her almost 4 years ago - just after her 5th birthday. Her 9th birthday is on Saturday and I've been going through periods of both avoidance and preparation.
I try to stay positive, upbeat, and excited for you, but sometimes it's hard. Even in the midst of everything my family has been through, I try to see the positive side. At least publicly. Privately it can be a little harder to always see the light, especially as we get closer to her birthday and the day that we lost her. So this post is me fighting with the two halves of my grief.
It's the 4th year that we've had to celebrate without her and nothing about it is getting easier. Just the opposite. In my low moments I feel farther and farther away from her and even though her birthday didn't exactly sneak up on me (I tend to feel it very strongly as it approaches), it was hard to muster the energy to create something new this year.
The response last year was SO overwhelming that I had enough butterflies to not only decorate the trees in the park, but also a tree in my town's Holiday Park and still have three bags of butterflies. They haven't been able to fly so instead of asking you to make something else, I wanted to give them their day in the sun. One of Bryn's favorite places was our local library - pushing the button that opens the door is pretty much the highlight of all my kids' day, not to mention story time, and the amazing children's librarian - so I teamed with them to create something that will spread smiles and joy.
I'm forever grateful that I live in such a supportive community and also for my extended crochet family who've been there through thick and thin. Words can't explain how much it has uplifted me when I needed it the most.
So now that I've cried a little, I want you to step into Bryn's Butterflies...